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Product Description From the critically acclaimed author of Daddy Needs a Drink—hailed by the Los Angeles Times as “consistently hilarious”—comes a series of irreverent, wickedly observant essays about what it really means to be a teacher today. With his trademark wit and wisdom, Robert Wilder dissects the world’s noblest profession—whether he’s taming a classroom full of hormonal teenagers or going one-on-one with the school bully. Wilder was twenty-six when he found his true calling. Leaving a lucrative advertising career in New York, he got a job as an assistant first-grade teacher at a Santa Fe alternative school—and never looked back. Now he brings his unique perspective—as a teacher, parent, and former student—to a series of laugh-out-loud essays that show teaching at its most absurd…and most rewarding. With brutal candor he chronicles his own lively adventures in modern education, from navigating cutthroat kindergarten sign-ups to subbing for a class experi-ment gone wrong–and dares to tell about it. He shares the surprising lessons he’s learned in the trenches of his profession, including how to bribe a four-year-old (his own) to stop swearing in a Lutheran preschool and the best way to teach moody teenagers…manage “helicopter” parents…and cope with bullies—whether of the school-yard, Internet, or parental kind. And he offers tough love for cheaters who log on to www.SchoolSucks.com, then puts to rest forever the question of why new teachers gain weight (hint: the free donuts don’t help). In Tales from the Teachers’ Lounge, Robert Wilder charts life’s learning curve with a warmth and humor you don’t find in textbooks. By turns heartwarming, eye-opening, and uproariously funny, these pitch-perfect essays offer priceless lessons in life, family, learning, and teaching from a true lover of education. Review “Honest and funny.”— Publishers Weekly About the Author Robert Wilder is a writer and teacher who lives with his wife and two children, Poppy and London, in New Mexico. He has appeared on NPR's Morning Edition, and has a monthly column for the Santa Fe Reporter also called "Daddy Needs a Drink." Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Born with a Grimace When people ask me how I became a teacher, I tell them my career literally crashed into me. I was twenty-six and had been in New Mexico for barely two years, and married for less than twelve months. Everything seemed fresh to me--my beautiful wife, Lala, the pale blue southwestern sky, even the crusty enchilada casserole I served waiting tables in the evenings. After leaving a hectic advertising job in New York City, my life seemed as simple as an inmate's wardrobe choices. Then, one day, I was visiting a friend who worked part time at a local hippie school. While we were talking, a boy tore around a corner and ran straight into my groinage. I doubled over while he hit the deck headfirst. Just as I'd always done with my younger brothers, I picked the kid up, brushed him off, and sent him on his way. I didn't ask him how he was feeling about our collision, or if he needed to apologize to my bruised junk to create a sense of closure. We did no art therapy, aromatherapy, or Real Boys sharing out. The head of the school had been watching from her window and liked my simple, direct approach, which my friend translated later into We desperately need a goddamn man around here. Even though I was waiting tables at night, I thought being a teacher might be fun. I imagined a lot of picking up, brushing off, and sending kids off to play in the fields of the bored. Obviously, as any teacher sober or otherwise would tell you, I didn't know shit. And, as I learned later, if you teach in a private school, you don't have to. Private schools don't require a certain number of degrees or multitiered levels of certification the way the public schools do, which was perfect for an uncertified guy like me. I was assigned to be an assistant first-grade teac