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The Best Fantasy Football Punishment Playbook: The Ultimate Guide to Punishing Friends, Co-Workers, and Yourself
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About The Best Fantasy Football Punishment Playbook: The
So you wanna embarrass the loser of your fantasy league? Perfect. You just discovered the ultimate guide to punishing your friends, family, and co-workers once they (inevitably) fail to succeed at fantasy football... or any bet, really. That's the thing about a good punishment, it's always in season! Who are we? We’re a six-headed Cerberus foaming at the mouth to gnash on your bones and chomp your eyeballs til they go squish squish, bish. Or, as our CVs say, we're the producers of the smash-hit TV series Impractical Jokers where we've been professionally punishing our bosses for over a decade. Yes, they pay us to help them deliver the most brutal, cringe-inducing, and embarrassing punishments to themselves. Sick-os? You betcha! And so are we, but now we want fresh meat. Enter: your loser friends. Use this book to take your friends' souls (or at least their pride) by humiliating them in over 420 ways! Things like: Punishments at the Draft: SLEEP WITH THE FISHES You’ve gotta host next year's draft while league members each hide a fresh fish anywhere in your home. After they leave, it’s up to you to find them all before things turn rancid. Twists on Classics: DRAFT ON, WAX OFF You’re a loser AND you're hairy. So at next year’s draft, you need to put 15 wax strips on your weird body, write your draft pick's name on each strip, rip it off, and put it up on the big board. Highly recommend saying your draft pick's name as you pull each strip. Internet Punishments: DANCE DANCE DEVOLUTION You and the person who finished second to last must sign up for hip hop dance lessons for one month, followed by filming a dance video. Extra points will be given for truly making an effort with presentation and costuming. The league will pick who did the worst job and release the video online. Punishments at Home: DEUCE VENTURA Pour a full bag of birdseed out onto your bed and leave your bedroom windows open until new friends arrive. The punishment doesn't end until there's a #2 to clean. Family Friendly: TOE-NAILED IT You must get a set of long acrylic toenails applied. We highly recommend your league-mates take you out for a pool day after. Year-Long Pain: HURTIN FOR A SHIRTIN Any time in the next year, everyone else in the league is allowed a one time opportunity to rip your shirt off wherever you are and you are not allowed to get mad. Punish the Low Score Weekly: LOVE BITE Go into work with a hickey (use a vacuum or ask a local pervert). If anyone asks about the weekend, tell them you were on a trip with your cousin. Loser's Choice: SKINNY DIP OR FAT SOAK: You either skinny dip (take off all your clothes and jump in a lake) OR fat soak (take a bath with all of your clothes, including your shoes, still on). Big budgets: BLINDED BY THE LIGHTS The Aurora Borealis. A bucket list item of many and a treasured viewing experience for those fortunate enough to take in the spectacle with their own eyes. You will not be one of them. At least not on this trip. Your league en masse takes the trip of a lifetime to Iceland, to bathe in the springs, eat a cute puffin, and behold the Northern Lights… except for you. Because you will be blindfolded by your league-mates at the penultimate moment before the lights appear. You will get to hear your friends’ childlike glee as they enjoy this once in a lifetime moment. Drown your sorrows in brennivín, an Icelandic schnapps also known as "Black Death". Skol, bitch. And micro-budgets: NO PEEKING You’ll be blindfolded during this year’s Super Bowl. Don't forget the noise-cancelling headphones blasting Tuvan throat singing! (Your friends can remove them to tease you as they see fit.) And hundreds more for your office leagues, family leagues, and the depraved, criminal group you call "friends."
